I sit here listening to classic 80s songs as I try and write this review (A-Ha right now) and I flash back to the 80s when I played Dungeons and Dragons. Now many years later, the movie is released, based on the classic role playing game usually associated with nerds with no life (an unfair stereotype might I add). The audience for this film probably isn't that large, and unfortunately, after seeing it, I don't think that any audience, be it former or current players, or someone looking for a good fantasy movie will be pleased.

With obvious rip-offs from other classic fantasy films (Indiana Jones, Goonies, Star Wars, and the list goes on), Dungeons and Dragons presents no original material with a very thin plot and downright horrible acting (with the exception of Marlon Wayans - up to his usual funny antics). Thora Birch (off of her success in American Beauty) and Jeremy Irons (Die Hard 3) are the most disappointing parts of this film (aside from the pointless and laughable plot) turning in downright painful performances without giving any thought to trying to act. Not only is the acting horrible, but the CGI effects are over-the-top, introducing us to the fantasy world in which the movie is set, and coupled with some of the worst make-up jobs in recent history, the film really has no chance to start out with.

Set in the grand city of Izmer, the ruling princess (Thora Birch, in a wannabe Princess Amidala role) tries to keep power in her own grasp, rather than relinquishing it to the high council of mages (led by Jeremy Irons). To do so, she enlists the help of her trusted mage/librarian to find a way out of this mess, which he does. By finding a rod of some sort of dragon control, she would be able to relinquish her scepter to the mage council in a show of unity and still be able to keep power over them. Unfortunately, the scoll that leads to the location of this rod is very well encrypted and cannot be deciphered before the librarian is done away with, leaving his apprentice (Zoe McLellan), a low-level mage to figure out how to find the rod. While all this is going on, we are introduced to the main characters, a pair of theives played by Justin Whalin (think of Jimmy from the Adventures of Lois & Clark) and Marlon Wayans (as 'Snail'). While breaking into the mage tower, they are swept into the search for the rod, and ultimately become the last hope for the empire (what a surprise).

The plot then goes on and tries to explain why it's so complicated to get the rod, all the obstacles in their way, and the various dungeons and dragons they will encounter in their travels. If you take your time to follow the plot, what minimal parts actually make sense, are still too contrived, badly acted and just plain stupid. I went with a large group of friends, many of whom still role play and the general concensus coming out of this movie, as much as we love the world it's set in, as much as we love the game it's based on, as much as we wanted to like it, was that it was at best a bad B movie, definitely not theater fare, and rather than being a movie we can go back and watch and enjoy years from now, it will be reduced to noghting more than fodder for us to make fun of for the next few months.

Genres: Adventure, Fantasy
Rated: PG-13
Runtime: 125 minutes
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